Dear Friends,

It is with deep regret that I need to inform you that Julianna and I will not be going to Swaziland at this time.  Numerous factors have led to this decision.  I truly believe that God orchestrated many of the happenings because He is more concerned about my character than my abilities.  

In the past few months I have been experiencing emotional and spiritual meltdown.  what has exacerbated my dilemma was coping with various stressors: culture shock - being no longer single but married and married to someone of a different culture, losing my sense of control, the impending move to Swaziland where a support structure was not already in place, having no fixed accommodation plan, most of all not being psychologically prepared to lose my Knysna links.  Most of my stress relief was unfairly channeled through my new wife, who too has been battling to acclimatize herself to marriage and South Africa culture.  

So finding myself in this difficult position and attempting to handle it I, in essence, had a break down - placing not only the pending ministry at risk, but especially my character and my marriage.  

I feel as though I have let down numerous people.  This episode has left me embarrassed and broken but I believe that God is still in control.  Together with good counsel and prayer, Julianna and I have decided to go back to Knysna.  There is a good support structure and love from the Island Church, YFC Knysna, friends and the close knit community.

We will continue as missionaries in Knysna assisting YFC Knysna and the Island Church until such time as God leads to move.  My accountability buddies will include the YFC Knysna Centre Director - Philip Schroeder, my pastor of the Island Church - Brian Long and a well trusted business man and friend - Garth Goosen.

We as a couple will receive joint counsel from FAMSA (Family Counseling South Africa).  We will also consider additional therapy for any other influencing factors.  

At this point in time I wish to extend my sincere gratitude to Jean and Gorden Steward, Philip Schroeder, Brian Long and Garth Goosen for their emotional support.  

I am also at a crossroads regarding financial support from numerous donors, especially toward our Swaziland trip.  Much of the finances donated were already spent on vehicle repairs and pre-trip items.  It will be extremely difficult to replace those finances immediately and I would request patience in this regard.  It would be good to hear your sentiments as my dilemma was in no way pre-meditated.  

I was blessed with this scripture regarding my traumatic ordeal - 1 Peter 4:12-13

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."

Regard in His Love and Mercy,

Nathan & Julianna